Honestly, are we deceiving ourselves?

Honestly, when we say 'it doesnt matter', 'live for the moment', 'everything's gonna be fine', 'just dun care','jus dun think too much', 'dun think about it', 'enjoy'........wotever.....are they for real? is that how we really feel, just as wot we said.......or are we deceiving ourselves? If so, does it make us feel better then....
Anyway, ppl say 'everything's gonna be fine' when things are not fine, otherwise they wont say it.................
the problem wont go away, the pain, the disease will still be there, the worry still haunts.......
maybe when we're saying those words, we wont or try not to think about the reality, but no matter wot, no matter how far we toss those troubles, no matter how calm we think we are, the fact that, that pinch of ache still lingers somewhere like a stubborn stain that forces to stay on no matter how hard we try to get rid of it, still stays.......maybe faint but very very taunting & exasperating.....u cant feel 100% okay with that.....
and in the end, that shit's still gonna kill us.....
life's like that......
the joy of happiness in life is great but even greater is the pain of sufferings
people say live and enjoy the greatness in life, but when you weigh the good and bad, sometimes it gets a person thinking if you rather pass on the good just to stop the bad so that you and the people you care for wont have the chance to be hurt......
i guess i'm thinking too much.....again...

I dyed my hair.....again

am i addicted....i couldnt resist....do it once, do it twice, again n again...no more man, no more......from black to red to brown to orange.....eh...actually not much....but too much for me!!!!! wot if the chemicals seep into my skull, n my brain goes wrong,or my hair all get sick, the $$$ too......in the 1st place how can i be so insane spending on hair..........arrrgggh....
this time round i dyed orange n yellow...i dun really like ler...i think red is still the colour for me....
the $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$, ooooohhh to the hoooorrrrrroooorrrr!!!!!!
next colour target is: BLACK..... with 3 distinct stripes red, orange, & blue, or maybe white, red, & green.......the point is my next colour will be BLACK....no more colouring my whole head senselessly, no more becoming poisonous mushroom.......

i miss the red on my hair man, i really do, heeeeekssss

Can't throw things away

i was cleaning my cupboard today, planned to throw away all the un-used ones so that my cupboard wont be soooooooooo cluttered up anymore...or at least, not cluttered up with my stuff. I was damned sure that most of the stuff are dev's, her stuff that she buy then dun like then dun use anymore and she left here and can just heck care about them....i shared cupboard with her btw, and planned to separate hers & mine because wotever that's hers she left here cant be worn anymore which was why they're left there in the 1st place........
I thought i got very little clothes, which was why i always use dev's, but now that i cant use hers, i planned to buy more shirts......
ended up, i found out that she has thrown wotever hers that she didnt wear liao, all that's left of hers only take up small fraction of the whole space....It's ME, my clothes, too many!!!!! to think i still plan to buy somemore......buuuut, most are un-usable lar......most are:

1. free t-shirts from pri, sec, jc
2. class t-shirts made of very sucky material so i dun wear them
3. old home clothes that i used to wear so often and wash so often till they got so thin and on the verge of tearing and since i love them so much i stopped wearing to prevent them from tearing....till now.......wot happen? all now got yellowish spots........
4. old uniforms, but that's very little, so dun matter
5. shirts i used to wear when i was younger, a bit small, but still can wear, but since not so comfortable so they are practically nv been worn

All these, some turn yellowish, some got yellow spots, some got these mouldy smell......yikes....

but still, i cant throw them away, just cant, dunno why lar........like i cant bear to throw.......but keep for wot siah............just dump them ah, or wot/ give my ma and use them as mopping cloth ah, cannooooooooooooooooooooot lar.......hiiiiieeeehh....

As we grow up

i dun know if i have tok about this b4, cos i got the tendency to repeat things to people, i think even to com.........i used to like to do a lot of things, i used to find many things amusing, i used to be more enthu just about anything, but no more now, gradually, i lost interest in those things.......i used to really like to read comic books, jap type, english type, chinese version, indon version, i even read in thai version cos my ex-roommate is a thai, i didnt understand of course, but because it's comic so there's no barrier,errm, that's not called read, that's called see pic, yah......everybody loves comics, i did, i still read them though, only if i am lying on the bed having nothing better to do or when i sit on the toilet bowl or something, no more looking forward to the next issue of those comics, no more asking the guy who sells them when the new ones coming, no more, besides the price has tripled since the 97 econ. crisis, so, no more.....
i used to draw also, surprising eh, not 'drawing' it's more of 'doodling', doodles on any papers; the back of torn-out daily calendar, my pa's useless doc papers, textbooks, exercise books, classroom tables, doodle about anything, the cartoon/comic characters i watched/see, ppl n things i saw, n i htink they are not so bad piece of work, but no more now.....

so as we grow up...life's not so amusing anymore, somehow, why ah?

Break finally

So, break is finally here, it's been so long since i come here to blog. Busy lar, busy with work, but other than that, my mind has been very preoccupied because many things are going on lately....still on my mind, but at least minus the work load......
geeeezzz, so much to comment, so much to vomit out.....really, these stuffs are easier 'said' here than to people.....not because it's secret or something, i have a no secret policy, it's just that toking about them over here feels more 爽，maybe i got very bad communication skill.....i think i do, ppl got bored around me i guess cos i'm not good at talking......

So, the current situation is : 1) rain, rain, rain, not so much in s'pore, the rain is just way too big, flood in indo, slides in phillipines, these kind of natural disasters seem to be more and more frequent, bad, bad, haiiiz... 2) looks like the prospect of this sem is gonna be even lousier as compared to the last sem, i guess i have choosen the wrong modules.....lesson learnt 'dun just choose modules just because they give you the slackest timetable possible' 3) and, what is wrong with the censor panel in s'pore man, all the movies seem to be nc-16, m-18, R-21...Brokeback mountain is r-21, what the fuck, i really looked forward to this movie as kinda the 'highlight' of my break week only to find out a day b4 the holiday from miuw2 that it's r rated.....wot the hell, it's not as if they are gonna show the jake. g & heath. L sodomise each other or something, eerrrm, no right? will they? eeerrrmmm, aaargh, i wanna see even more!!!

And so, dev has gone to melbourne, it feels weird, there is one person less at home, although most of the time she was out of the house with her frens when she was still in s'pore, even when she's at home she just sat there at one corner of the room playing the com.....but u know, that one thing over that corner, if suddenly's not there, you will feel weird. Hahhaha, i make her sounds as if she is some 花瓶......

+points	- points
less irritating strands of hair found when floor mopping (90% decrease of fallen hairs found at home!)	1 person less to be ordered around (not that it's easy to ask for her help
no more hogging of toilet	nobody sleep beside me,scary ler
more nice food to eat, cos if she's around, she will eat all up w/o leaving some for other ppl, so sai!	less clothes to wear, cos i always use hers frm top to bottom
no more pms wrath from her, she sucks	no one to fight side by side with when the cockraches invade
no waste of electricity	waking up felix at 5.55 am becomes my job, wtf,
one person less to fight the com with	whenever the com konk-up, she will be the one going busy, i will just wait and see and use it again, no more such previledge now
	sms-ing her will dry up my bucks faster, no free overseas sms ler

and the list goes on, so it doent mean that there are more -vities....no....just too lazy to type somemore......and sleepy....havent slept much lately....but i dun want to sleeeeeep.....a waste of break time......it's always like this, when i'm not supposed to sleep cos of some work, i would gladly give any shit just to sleep, now when i have all the time in the world to sleep, i dun wan to, even when i am already sleepy, like now.......

The Ghost of You

I never said I'd lie and wait forever
If I died, we'd be together
I can't always just forget her
But she could try

At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I? Should I?
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever ever...
Ever...

Get the feeling that you're never
All alone and
I remember now
At the top of my lungs in my arms she dies
She dies

At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I? should I?
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I? Should I?
And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me
For all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me

If I fall
If I fall (down)

At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are
Never coming home
Never coming home
Never coming home
Never coming home
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I? Should I?
And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me
For all the ghosts that are never gonna...

by My Chemical Romance

bad bad war, tsk, tsk, tsk